“You can search through the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” –Buddha

This week I want to focus on self-compassion. I feel compelled to talk about self-compassion because all this week my clients have been very self-critical of themselves. It is almost like they use themselves hypothetically as punching bags. Everything that has been talked about in their sessions this week, regarding themselves, has been very self-critical. I’ve heard “I’m stupid,” “I mess up everything, “I can’t do anything right.” These statements are just a few statements that I have heard this week, but they are significant. I have asked these same clients what good has happened for them this week, they could not name one thing. However, they could name all the good that has happened and the good about others: their friends, family, and other people they know. I asked myself what is going on here? The one thing that came to my mind was they are lacking self-compassion. 

So, what is self-compassion? Self-compassion is the act of being kind and understanding with yourself even when you make mistakes. Self-compassion allows you to be able to be realistic and objective with yourself-flaws and all. Let me give you an example. One of my client’s unrealistic expectations of herself is doing everything perfect. She HAS to do everything perfect. If she does not do everything perfect, she puts herself down by calling herself stupid and incompetent. Even though she has this expectation and can recognize that her expectations are unrealistic, she is still self-critical of herself. Delving deeper into her psyche, she explained that she finds it difficult to show compassion with herself because she feels like she HAS TO punish herself. She explains “If I can’t do it right, I need to punish myself…” She further explains that calling herself bad names and putting herself down is how she “punishes” herself. The ironic part is the way she “punishes” herself and her being self-critical of herself is not helping her. In fact, it is really hurting her to the point of depression. To be honest, I think that she has been in this cycle so long that she has become attached to this “stinking thinking” as well as the negative emotions and feelings involved. As a result, this cycle continues: Unmet unrealistic expectations leads to self-criticism. Self-criticism will lead to depression. With depression, thoughts and attention becomes clouded, which will lead to under performance, which again turns into unmet unrealistic expectations. 

Solution: Break the cycle with self-compassion!!!

Want to know how to practice self-compassion? Next week’s blog will outline how to practice self-compassion. Stay tuned 🙂

With love, -reese

Would love to hear your questions or comments–Visit www.famecoachingandconsulting.com